WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Someone shit on the floor
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
