u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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