dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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