Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
accomplished twins. life is a go
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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