I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
This toilet bowl is my home.
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