my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
