I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize