so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
