Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
