She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
