I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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