A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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