awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
