Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
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Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize