she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
