Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
