I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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