I feel great
I just peed on a car
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
