i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize