he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
