Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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