I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
