He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
