So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize