You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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