Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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