I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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