My vagina just recognized that song.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
where are you?
Hypothermia
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize