I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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