I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
