it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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