pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
