idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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