Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
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Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize