we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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