Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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