walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
