I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
