Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
