I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
