I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
