long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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