You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
