Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
