he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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