So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize