Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
