I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He better not be in your backpack
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
