you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
