Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Damn victory sex feels great
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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