walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
he quoted the bible to break up with me
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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