i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
