epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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