First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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