I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
