Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
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