Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Randomize
