Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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