Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
