A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
