Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
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you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
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Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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