OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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