I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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