She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
