i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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